Pleasing God

My last boyfriend and I had one major problem - I never got any feedback. Period. Now mind you, I don't say this to denegrate him - he's a very nice person. But after a while, I stopped trying to do things for him, because I never had anyway to know if I'd done something right or not. How many times does a guy send flowers to a girl who never says "thank you"?

I want to do things for God, I do. Call it gratitude, call it love, whatever. But how do I know if what I offer him is pleasing to him? Sure, it'll be pleasing in the way that a four-year-old's crayon magnum opus is pleasing to his parents, but still. How do I know? I'm afraid that - without feedback - I'll get to that same point where I just give up.

Thoughts?

The Plank In My Own Eye

Forgiveness - Reason #586


If a friend's behavior has offended you, your sense of offense often leads you to treat them in the very same fashion which first offended you.



Lord deliver me from my own hypocracy.

Surface Life

It's another way of saying "shallow." Or "superficial." It's about my relationship with Him lately. It's waking up one day and realizing that I've barely scratched the surface but I've already stopped digging - then remembering that I realized it yesterday but didn't do anything about it then either. It's knowing that I know better, knowing what I should do, and still not doing it. It's questioning my motivation, questioning my capacity, questioning my desire until the moment has passed me by. It's staying home when I should get off my butt. It's staying out all night when I should be home. It's resting in the knowledge that I'm on the right path, and ignoring the fact that I'm not going anywhere.

It's my life. Right now. With no depth, no devotion, and no desire for more.

It's a reason to pray.

Critical Thinking

from the other side of the wall, i hear a voice. it's a voice I've been hearing since i arrived, and expect to go on hearing until i leave. one by one the days of my life will be measured out by the unchanging cadence of this voice, repeating eternally the same conversations.



. . . well, he is a pain, but he's my father, so, you know, of course i'm going to take care of him . . . no, my brother can't help - well, he won't, so i guess i'll just do it all . . . would you believe it took him two hours to get up this morning? anybody else whould've just left him in bed, but not me . . . not that he's planning on leaving me anything in the will. now, my sister, on the other hand . . . i have a life too, what about my life . . . no, i live with him . . .



actually, we weren't even in this market until i came along . . . found it all by myself and it is BIG . . . had to convince them to do it, but i was right . . . making a lot of money, thanks to me . . . no, no, i don't mind, after all, it's not about me . . .



little by little my patience wears thin - full up with the combination of self-pity and self-agrandizement that streams into my office daily. (not to mention that he routinely gets caught in lies to cover his own mistakes.) what i am trying to establish here is that i am fully justified in the absolute scorn and contempt that i feel for this man.



and that brings me up short everytime. because i am NOT justified - not by any measure. his sins are no less covered than my own, and i am confronted with the knowledge that it is i who have no excuse.

Loving God

there are two principle metaphors used throughout the bible to describe the relationship between man and God. the father and son metaphor with God as the parent is used repeatedly in the new testament - often by Christ in his parables. the ardent bridegroom and fickle bride metaphor is more common in the old testament - used by the prophets trying to call israel back into right relationship with God.



does God use existing relationships to help us get a handle on how we should relate to Him, or did he design our biology so that our relationships with others would pattern after our relationship to Him? and why do i suspect that the answer is "yes"?



the parent/child relationship is easy for me - in terms of humility and obedience. not that i have them mastered by any stretch of the imagination, but i can understand the principle sufficiently to desire the actuality. a child obeys a parent because the parent is wiser and generally posesses information beyond the child's capacity. duh. and who could be more wise or posess more information than God Almighty?



but the bridegroom/bride relationship . . . love God? i have issues with that. oh, i want to want it, but it scares the living crap out of me. there's a part of me that can completely trust Him in the abstract, can trust Him enough in actuality to obey Him even when it doesn't make sense to my eyes, but is terrified to trust God enough to love Him. and honestly, my rational mind can't even wrap itself around the problem.



somewhere in there, i'm still terrified of getting burned.