Needful Things

I'm standing in the Hair Goodies aisle at CVS. It's two in the morning and I have a dilemma.



In my left hand, there is a ClippyDo - the hairband I use to secure the mangy tangle that sprouts from my scalp every morning. Having carelessly broken it's predecessor, I am now looking to this replacement ClippyDo to guarantee a continuation of the previous few week's Acceptable Hair Days. Twenty-three days, to be specific. Twenty-three days without a single Bad Hair Day.



In my right hand, a twenty dollar bill is clutched. It represents gas in my tank and food on my table for the next three days. It is my security blanket. As my eyes travel back and forth between the $3.69 ClippyDo and the grubby but beloved twenty dollar bill, I ask myself a question.



"Do I really need this?"

---

I'm at the food court. It's Sunday afternoon, and there's talk of a movie in the air. I want to go. I really, really want to go. I want to see the movie, and all my friends are going.



But I've got five days between me and my next paycheck, and sixty dollars to bridge the gap. My gas tank is empty again, and I do love my morning coffee. And my lunchtime polish sausage. And the occasional chai.



A movie is eight dollars, plus the inevitable popcorn. Plus a trip to the diner afterwards. A third of my budget in one night. The same question.



"Do I really need this?"

---

It's late again. The clock just dragged itself past midnight and link group is still going. I'm loving it. The conversation, the fellowship, the connection.



And in the morning . . . work.



Work that I'll be late for because I won't get to sleep until after one if I leave now - and I don't seem to be leaving now. I'm looking around at the faces of people I love and people I'm learning to love, and work in the morning seems distant and unimportant. And maybe it is. Time is in as short supply as money and I know I have to prioritze. So I ask myself



"Do I really need this?"

---

"Why?"



It's the unspoken question that applies to every need. I need the ClippyDo to feel put together - to feel something close to attractive. To not feel insecure and frumpy. I need to go to the movie to not come home and feel lonely and bored. To not feel out of the loop. I need the time with my Link Group to feel like part of the community. To feel like I'm contributing something and to feel like I'm learning how to Play Well With Others.



I need food to keep this body alive and sleep to keep it moving. I need a job to keep the food coming and the sleeping place warm. I need companionship to give value to everything else. Or do I just want them?



What's the difference, really, between a need and a want? Maybe needs are survival based and wants are merely preferences, but then . . . what's the difference? Survivial is not a need. It is a preference. (A preference that will ultimately be thwarted, by the way. As I am given to believe, we will all wake up one morning to discover that our fondest desire - to continue traipsing about this imperfect planet - has been denied us.) Yet we spend most of our lives scrambling to meet wants that we dress up as needs - starting with food, moving into tastey food, and finishing somewhere between air-conditioning and SUVs.



The truth is, I don't need food. I want food so that my tummy will not hurt and I will stay here a while longer. I don't need sleep. I want sleep because it empowers me to do other things and prevents me from passing out at what would likely be very inopportune times.



Sometimes I wonder if we don't make our wants into needs to justify giving them undo importance. So . . . what do we really need?



And why?